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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?